Extracted from the Special Edition DVD
Also available in :
- French - Chinese - Japanese - Spanish - Italian
(TODO : add links)
[Fade in, intro music starts, letting a rotating planet similar to the Earth appear, a moon and satellites rotating around] [The camera does a traveling to show a spaceship, the name of which is in an unknown script, but apparently linked to Recycling and Ed's species.]
ED, poetic : - I even saw the three suns of Hatoon oozing BIM-BOUM, but nothing I've seen, can compare with the sparkle in your eyes... And... the sight of your lingerie from Garmani. *chortles*
ED, more dramatic : - Burk doesn't deserve you ! He's a fungus... A.. A.. Schmole !
[The doors beeps]
ED, presenting a flower and a chocolate box in front of the door: - Oh, yes ! Yes ! Open the door, quickly my darling, I'm here ! I'm waving !
[The camera goes behind the flower, from the point of the view of Ed. The door opens, letting only appear a pair of briefs with little hearts and a metal pipe. It's Burk]
ED, lowering the flower, letting Burk appear: - Oh.
Burk, furious: - *grumbles*... A schmooooole ?!
[Burk swings his metal pipe full force to Ed, that dodges it, before running for his life into a corridor of the spaceship, Burk following him]
Burk: - Oh hell, you're gonna get it !
[Ed then thows the chocolate box on a button at the very last moment, closing a security door. Burk crashes in it, leaving his imprint.] [The doors beeps, and Ed quickly leaves the scene by hidding into the room right next to him. The camera then moves to a question mark sign on top, indicating it's some kind of hazardous materials storage room] [Ed is catching his breath, and starts crying. He moves to one of the storage areas, were some weird items are] [Looking at his flower, loosing its last petal after his escape, Eds grabs a can in the shelve to end it and takes a big gulp] [Surprised at the taste of the drink, he spits it on the floor. Some splashed screws are suddently coming alive, with little eyes and legs, unscrewing themselves]
Ed,in horror :
- Aaaaaaaaah ! AAAAAAAAAAH !!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH !!!!!!!!
[He looks at the can and starts running everywhere, then gets decides to throw the can in the trash vent] [The can is shown slowly dropping on Earth]
[The scene now shows the outside of a rural, countryside bar, on Earth]
Barmaid: - I don't serve trash that got no cash ! Now beat it ! Buster.
[Grogh is seen litteraly kicked out of the bar, landing a few meter outside]
Grogh: - Mmmphr... Just one more the the road...
[The dropped can lands on his beard]
Grogh: - Uh ? [Smiling] - Thaaaanks !
[He drinks from the can and burps, his pupils starts to dilate]
- Ain't no ordinary beer...
[He then starts to convulse and twirls as the liquid is mutating him. He drops the can that lands right next to a river.] [A drop of the can fall into the water, that starts turning rainbow, then mutates everything it touches] [Mud and grass becomes colorful mushrooms-like mounds, sheeps drinking the water inflates and fly away, houses grows legs and act like a chicken. Skyscrapers are poping like rockets... Then the sky also turns psychedelic] [The can levitates, and goes to Grogh, who's now dressed like a viking/biker/vilain]
Grogh: - This time, drinks are on me ! And everybody gonna get a taste ! Hahahahaha !
[The camera now zooms out, showing that we were looking at a screen, in the spaceship tribunal, with Ed in stripped black and white inmate clothes]
- For deliberately throwing a dangerous foreign body into the cosmos, thus comtemptuously ignoring the most rudimentary protectile regulations... And thereby having provoked a level 17 ecological disaster... The court hereby pronouces you GUILTYYY ! And sentences you to repair the damage done ! [Catching his breath] - General.
General [nervously tapping a stick in his hand ] : - Yes. - If we can recover the container, we can make an antidote. My special services have prepared an absolutely perfect plan.
[The camera turns to the whiteboard were the general is exposing his plan] - First of all at point Alpha, the capsule, with the condemned man on board, of course, detaches itself. Then at point Beta, we retreive the container. And at last, at point...
[He counts on his fingers]
- ... Alpha... Beta... GAMMA ! The capsule returns to the mother ship. Mission accomplished, sheer perfection !
[He breaks the stick he used to point on the whiteboard]
[The camera turns to Ed, first shown at the accused stand, then seamlessly transistion onboard the capsule for his mission]
[Faint beeping, reactor sound, the capsule is launched in a tunnel]
Ed: - WhoooooooaaaaahaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaawoooooowwooooohaaaaaaaaWHOUA !
[The capsule is exists the spaceship, and is flying over Earth where we can see the whole mess. sheeps have replaced the satellites] [The screen in the capsule cockpits displays the General's head]
- Prepare to activate the clamp device.
The Capsule, in a robotic voice:
- Five... Four...Three...Two...One...Zero
[Ed presses the button, nothing happens]
- Minus One...Minus Two...
[The clamp door is trying to open, but is jammed. Ed then frantically hit the button, which pops out of his socket]
- Minus Three... Minus Four... Minus Five...
[We can hear someone singing, the camera switches inside Grogh's citatel where he appears in company of an Opera Diva and a guard. Ed's capsule is rapidly coming at the window]
The Diva, singing: - Laaaaaaahaaaaaaaaa
[Then she sees Ed coming at the window] - HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA !
Grogh, dumbfounded: - What the... ?!
Ed, seeing the can in a glass dome next to Grogh:
- Yes !
[The shock of the capsule on the floor opens the clamp door, releasing the clamp. Ed fails to control it and it ends up smashing Grogh in the face], then choking him.] [The capsule continues its route to the other window while Eds try deseperatly to control the clamp]
Ed: - B..Bye now !
[The clamp latches onto a piece of metal at the side of the window and propulses Ed at the other side of the planet, into the snowy mountains]
[The scene changes to the inside of the capsule, crashed into the mountain, with the general trying to contact Ed]
- Ed ? Ed? Do you copy Ed ? - Ed, you idiot ! You blew it boy. You're on your own now. But bring back that container. You got that ? Bring. Back. That container.
[The capsule drops from the mountain top, the camera moves to Ed, still stunned from the crash, who's just getting back to him.] [A frisbee is shown coming full force to him and to his mouth, knocking him again]
Nintendo 64 Intro
Due to the limitations of the console, and the limited space offered by a cartdrige, the scenario of the Intro was changed to accomodate a simpler introduction using the game's engine.